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Larry's Tourist Bios

Thanks to Crazy Packers Fan for these bios

Crazy Interview Bios

These are bios of all the characters I’ve interviewed, and also "re-occuring characters", ones that have appeared at least three times in Interviews. Here they are:

Interview Characters:

Name: Yoshi
Alliance (to Peach, Daisy, Bowser or Wart): Peach
Likes: Food
Dislikes: Mario
Favorite Quote: “Yoshi still hungry!”
Favorite Koopaling: Lemmy (Lemmy never voted him off)
Hidden Facts: Yoshi, the winner of the Survivor Trimming, had the show fixed the whole time and kept
giving away hints that he would win, but no one caught them. Yoshi loves football but his team stinks, being
that a bunch of lovable Yoshis and Birdos are no match for a team of Boom Booms or Sledge Brothers.
Best Game (best performance by him in a game): Mario Kart 64 (compare him to everyone else and you’ll see
why)
Rating (whether he is liked or not by the scriptwriter, on a scale from zero to four stars): ****

Name: Donkey Kong
Alliance: Daisy (the only one he doesn’t hate)
Likes: Bananas
Dislikes: Interviews
Favorite Quote: (for loser of the year award) “Donkey Kong will beat all but Roy.”
Favorite Koopaling: Larry (Larry grows plants, and bananas grow on trees)
Hidden Facts: Donkey Kong, Mario’s original nemesis, later in life fell in love with Candy Kong, but she
rejected him, and he’s still searching for Pauline. DK always wears a tie, but lately strange things have been showing up on his tie, like GB and MM. He seems to have some kind of allegiance to a football team... and speaking of football, his team is finally doing well, but the fact that all the referees hate him and sometimes throw him out just because they think he’s a loser doesn’t help him... Donkey Kong only hopes that someday he won’t be considered the loser of losers, just a loser.
Best Game: Mario Party (he’s a bit taller than the rest, so Coin Block Bash is easier for him, because he can hit the blocks faster)
Rating: *

Name: Hammer (the Hammer Brother)
Alliance: Bowser
Likes: Auctions
Dislikes: Fire
Favorite Quote: “Bowser isn’t very bright, and-”
Favorite Koopaling: Morton (Morton was dumb enough to waste 300 coins on a Hammer Brothers Suit, and hammer got the money)
Hidden Facts: Hammer appeared in the Survivor Trimming because there was no one else good enough to be the auctioneer, and besides, he already had the hammer! Hammer hopes someday to be a construction worker, but for right now, he’s living off the big payment he got from appearing in Mario Kart: Super Circuit.
Best Game: Super Mario Brothers (this guy was unbeatable back then!)
Rating: ***1/2

Name: Millennium Star
Alliance: Peach
Likes: Laughing
Dislikes: Mario Parties
Favorite Quote: “Ha ha ha! I was a little dumber than you made me out to be.”
Favorite Koopaling: Iggy (Iggy has good morals for the Star Stamps)
Hidden Facts: The Millennium Star is a boring piece of junk that people shaped to look like a Star and gave
it some artificial intelligence. That’s why it’s so stupid. It likes to laugh and has no relation to Eternal Star. The Millennium Star gives people Star Stamps if they are morally sound, or if you beat the other character(s) in the board games.
Best Game: Mario Party 3 (his only game, and thank goodness!)
Rating: no stars

Name: Albatoss
Alliance: Wart
Likes: Fruit
Dislikes: Vegetables
Favorite Quote: (about helping out the Marios) “All right, I was bribed! So what?!”
Favorite Koopaling: Wendy (Wendy’s a girl, and that reminds him of Susan, and Susan’s Wart’s daughter, and
he's his boss)
Hidden Facts: Albatoss loves fruit. Cherries especially. But vegetables he no like. Er, he doesn’t like. Yeah, that’s it. And that is pretty much it about Albatoss. The loser that he is...
Best Game: Super Mario Advance (he never looked better, but that’s not saying much)
Rating: 1/2

Name: Angry Sun
Alliance: None (he hates all Marios and Koopas now)
Likes: Nothing and no one
Dislikes: Everything and everyone
Favorite Quote: (after being revived by fire minions) “Imbeciles! I wanted to die!”
Favorite Koopaling: None
Hidden Facts: If you talked nicely enough to Angry Sun, he might not kill you. But good luck... Angry Sun
actually DOES play hockey, contrary to what he said. Of course, the number of fights he gets into and the
temperature in negative degrees the ice must be frozen to are very high.
Best Game: Super Mario Bros. 3 (he was a pretty dangerous enemy)
Rating: *1/2

Name: Fiery (the Fire Brother)
Alliance: Bowser
Likes: Fire
Dislikes: Water
Favorite Quote: (asked if he likes ice) “Yes, because I get hot a lot, and the ice cools me down. In fact, sometimes I lick the ice, because it tastes good. Especially the ice under where the goaltender sits. I also like to drink water if someone else spits it up...”
Favorite Koopaling: Morton (he lives in Desert Land)
Hidden Facts: Fiery, being an avid hockey player, cannot melt the ice with his fiery breath thanks to VERY cold ice. But, he can sure melt Mario if given the opportunity. Fiery still wants to appear in another Mario game, but knows it will never happen, and he agrees that Mario Sunshine is a bad name for an upcoming Mario game.
Best Game: Super Mario Bros. 3 (I wonder why...)
Rating: **

Name: Lava Lotus
Alliance: Bowser
Likes: Baby Bloopers and Baby Cheeps
Dislikes: Super Bloopers and Big Berthas
Favorite Quote: (when asked if he wants to be in a video game again) “Yes! But in my own game, Lava Lotus
Kart: Ocean Circuit! I’ll race against Bloopers, Cheep Cheeps, Big Berthas, and Jelectros in go-kart fashion underwater, but with submarine go-karts!” (as if there aren’t enough kart games already)
Favorite Koopaling: Wendy (he lives in Water Land)
Hidden Facts: Lava Lotus is completely scared of hammers. Plus, he doesn’t like statues either. But the real hidden mystery about him is that he spits up lava but reproduces it not magically, but by the lava exploding in the water and eventually floating back to him. Of course, he has so much lava stored in him already that he mostly doesn’t need to recharge. And he will accept bribes, like so many others.
Best Game: Super Mario Bros. 3 (all because of World 7-4, being that last Lava Lotus in the level)
Rating: **1/2

Name: Ptooie
Alliance: Bowser
Likes: Eating
Dislikes: Fire
Favorite Quote: “Many people think I’m a moron
Just because I get gas at Boron
But what people may not know
Is that I grow and grow!
On the weekends I live in Japan
Trying to be a good man
But sometimes I then realize
I want to win second prize!”
Favorite Koopaling: Ludwig (Pipe Land is better in climate than Ice Land)
Hidden Facts: Ptooie doesn’t like to listen to his wife on the phone, but is a great singer! (If you don’t believe me, look above at the first verse of the song that he wrote.) Ptooie doesn’t really have a face, and to mention it, a life either. He’s just a stupid Piranha Plant that lives because morons walk into his mouth.
Best Game: Super Mario Bros. 3 (World 6-1 poses a challenge with that last Ptooie)
Rating: *1/2

Name: Metal Mario
Alliance: None
Likes: Anything metal
Dislikes: Electricity, Fire, and Magnets
Favorite Quote: “I lost some weight on that SUBWAY diet and I'm only two tons now!”
Favorite Koopaling: Lemmy (ice doesn’t hurt him)
Hidden Facts: Metal Mario is Mario in disguise! Wait, he’s his own identity! Or not... No one knows for sure, and Mario 64 says he’s Mario and Super Smash Bros., Mario Golf, and Dr. Mario 64 says he’s his own identity. Will anyone ever know?
Best Game: Mario Golf (unbeatable at driving contests)
Rating: *1/2

Name: Kuribo’s Goomba
Alliance: Bowser
Likes: Shoes
Dislikes: Mario stealing his Shoe
Favorite Quote: “You write the script!”
Favorite Koopaling: Roy (loyalty to Sky Land)
Hidden Facts: The Shoe Kuribo’s Goomba wears was made by Kuribo Koopa. Kuribo’s Shoe self-destructs upon leaving World 5-3. Kuribo’s Goomba can jump forty feet high and sixty feet long. Plus, they’re kind of fun to be around as long as you’re stealing their Shoe!
Best Game: Super Mario Bros. 3 (name me another game he appears in)
Rating: ***

Re-occuring Characters:

Name: Roy
Alliance: Bowser
Likes: Sports
Dislikes: Crazy Packers Fan
Favorite Quote: “Stupid scriptwriter!”
Favorite Koopaling: Roy (he’s so vain...)
Hidden Facts: While Roy prepares a pounding for Crazy Packers Fan, he is also learning that the only way to
escape the inevitable Chargin’ Chucks and Soprano Sledge Brothers is to not cross Crazy Packers Fan’s
mind as he types the script. He also knows never ever to say anything that could be boasting because it
always makes Crazy Packers Fan pour on the pain. He is still bitter about losing in the Survivor Trimming,
but gets more bitter each week. Oh, and he’s about 84 votes out of sixth place or something.
Best Game: Super Mario Bros. 3 (boy, is he tough!)
Rating: no stars

Name: Daisy
Alliance: Daisy (who else?)
Likes: Power
Dislikes: Peach (abhores, detests, loathes, hates are better words than dislikes)
Favorite Quote: “Mario was forced to, or he was bribed. I was in the movie because people thought the
name Daisy was cuter than Toadstool, so they kicked out Peach and put me in. Besides, I’m the true ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom! Peach will soon be my slave! Mario will be locked up in the dungeon! Luigi, well, he can just do what he likes best, in his own cell! And Koopas, well, they can just sit around and watch me sit on my throne and rule the Mushroom Kingdom! Ha ha ha!”
Favorite Koopaling: Roy (hey, he isn’t a princess)
Hidden Facts: Besides the obvious fact that Daisy wants nothing more than to have Peach be her personal
slave, Daisy is all about power and not anything to do with Luigi, like everyone wants to think. In Mario Tennis, Peach wants Mario but Luigi wants Daisy (according to the mixed doubles chart). And Luigi is nothing but a bunch of... well, nothing to Daisy.
Best Game: Mario Tennis (the BEST character in the game)
Rating: ****

Name: Chargin’ Chucks
Alliance: Bowser
Like: Sports
Dislike: Roy
Favorite Quote: None
Favorite Koopaling: None
Hidden Facts: Chargin’ Chucks appearing in these Interviews always are football players, and always pound Roy on cue. They don’t talk and don’t do much else than pound Roy. But they were originally recruited by Roy to crush Crazy Packers Fan... telling you their loyalty.
Best Game: Super Mario World (tough guys)
Rating: ****

Name: Tony (the Soprano Sledge Brother)
Alliance: None
Likes: Beating on Roy
Dislikes: Roy
Favorite Quote: “Fuhgetaboutit!”
Favorite Koopaling: None
Hidden Facts: Tony and the Soprano Sledge Brothers are a mob of five Sledge Brothers hired by Crazy Packers Fan to beat up on Roy at any time and to control who enters and leaves the audience. They are good guards thanks to their size. Tony himself is the leader and is the strongest of all five. Judging from their “New York” accent, maybe some characters did come from “Brooklyn”...
Best Game: Super Mario Bros. 3 (hey, big guy!)
Rating: ****

Name: Crazy Packers Fan
Alliance: None
Likes: Green Bay Packers
Dislikes: Minnesota Vikings
Favorite Quote: (to Lava Lotus) “NO MORE CHARACTERS I INTERVIEW WANTING NOTHING BUT MONEY!!! What’s with this whole money-hungry scheme? Yoshi, Daisy, The Angry Sun, Fiery, and now you! This is crazy! Everyone wants money and nothing else! Whatever happened to contentment?!”
Favorite Koopaling: Roy (although it doesn’t seem like it)
Hidden Facts: The whole Crazy Packers Fan vs Roy thing started with a time in Roy’s Sports Hall, and then carried over into becoming a war. It is said that Crazy Packers Fan knows better the individual player statistics for every player on the Packers than he knows his ABC’s. Crazy Packers Fan is also very sarcastic, well, at least when writing stories. But the biggest secret is that Crazy Packers Fan has a crush on Sailor Mars (Rei-chan)... and some say that they hear him cry out “Rei-chan!” at random times during the day... All right, who wrote this? This is supposed to be a secret, and some loser messed with the script! Who is it? None other than Roy Koopa... I’ll kill him after I delete my profile. Just don’t hit that “Send” button by accident...
<Larry: HELP! Ok ok, say what you want!>
<Roy: I knew you'd see it my way, Punching Bag! Ha! I rigged the Send button, and now everyone knows your secret, Packers Boy. Rei-chan, ha! Laugh while you still can, but when Sunday comes around and you get a pounding by my Boom Booms, you'll change your tune. HA! End transmission!>

Have a different opinion on the Koopas or any other characters? Email me!

Go back to Larry's Tourist Bios.

Go back to Lemmy's Land.